Fuelled for Life

So we are in the New Year and no doubt still in the first flush of hope. The hope that we can get thinner, fitter, healthier; can begin to organise our lives better, practice time management and not feel harassed and bullied by the demands of our over-busy lives. Can we do it? Yes, we can!

Then we can't. Oh, the dismay as we see ourselves slipping back again into the same old rut.

This dismay has an extra dimension if you are a Christian (and possibly this is true of people of all faiths who live in the West.) As a Christian we may feel that somehow we should be above all this hassle; come what may we should be able to lead quiet, steady lives that somehow stand out as beacons of calm and light amongst our non- Christian neighbours – and yet here we are, just as stressed out, if not more so, because of this extra failure of not being spiritual enough. Oh will the demands never end?

All my adult life I have done what I thought would educate and train me into being this lovely, calm and spiritual person. I have read Christian books, gone on conferences and courses, learnt different techniques for prayer. I have read books on management, time-management, team building and dealing with conflict. None of these things have actually helped that much when the conflict I was dealing with was inside myself; when, however hard I tried there was not enough time either for work or family, let alone to keep fit.

Last spring I went on retreat at the end of a very difficult year and I had a breakthrough. I heard the word "rest". Not rest in terms of sleep or a good holiday but resting in terms of prayer.

Let me rest in your will in the silence. (Thomas Merton)

I understood that I was being invited to let go of all my prayer techniques, the books I had read, the idea that the answer was out there somewhere; and instead I was simply encouraged to rest in God's presence.

Today I was reminded of this lesson by the writer Margaret Silf. In her seasonal book, "Lighted Windows" she speaks of renewable and non-renewable energy for the journey of life. Non-renewable energy is what we try to do for ourselves spiritually, as noted above: the books, the prayer techniques, the conferences etc, as if spiritual resourcing comes from ourselves, from acquired knowledge and right practice. It is an error we fall into over and over again. We end up feeling it is all down to us. We find we don't have time, energy or enthusiasm for prayer, and then we stop prayer altogether. Conversely, renewable energy is simply to come and be with God in simplicity and silence, just as we are, without any clever tricks or answers.

And what takes place in the silence is amazing: we are quieted, renewed and in seemingly against the odds, suddenly fuelled for life. The psalmist understood this, I think, when he wrote the following.

1My heart is not proud, LORD, my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me.
2 But I have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child I am content. (Psalm 131)

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